FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1. How is the LifeSTAR program different from 12-step recovery groups, counseling, or other types of group therapy?

The LifeSTAR program is a phased program designed to take participants on a gentle and structured path through recovery. It shares many of the same features of 12-step programs, counseling, and group therapy such as meeting in a group setting, completing workbooks, receiving education, and processing personal experiences. Think of LifeSTAR as a comprehensive recovery approach that includes all of the best features of these three approaches packaged in one program.

Each phase has a different emphasis:

One important point to remember is that traditional 12-step work, group work, and even counseling often leaves the spouse or partner out of the process. In LifeSTAR, the spouse or partner is an integral part of the program, and receives just as much help and attention as the individual struggling with the addiction.

We strongly encourage individuals to continue attending 12-step meetings and counseling as they go through the program. We believe the LifeSTAR program to be an excellent compliment to any recovery work that is already taking place. 

2. Why should a couple be involved in treatment together? What can I expect by involving my spouse?

Many partners question why they would need to attend if they don't have an addiction. Research and experience show that when a partner is included in early recovery work, the chance of saving the relationship greatly improves. As a result of being in a relationship with an individual struggling with an addiction, many partners feel isolated, confused, angry, and betrayed. The LifeSTAR program was designed to address the unique and sensitive needs of partners. Even though they attend the initial "Getting Started Workshop" together, partners do separate work from the individuals struggling with addiction. Their work focuses on the nature of addiction, understanding their own families or origin, faulty belief systems about relationships, decreasing feelings of low self-worth, and creating healthy boundaries with loved ones.

In Phases 2 and 3, partners work on improving their own awareness of how the addiction has affected their lives and relationships, helps them improve their boundaries and ability to cope with the addiction, increases their self-care and healthy service to others, and helps them learn to express emotions in a healthy way.

Recognize that the first three to six months of couple recovery are usually the most stressful. Both partners will experience a wide range of powerful feelings. There are often difficulties in the areas of communication styles, intimacy levels, sexuality, spirituality, parenting, past trauma, and finances. Identification of the sexual addiction/co-addiction systems is painful at first, but holds hope for eventual relief of the far greater pain of the addiction.

The following is a list of what to expect in the early stages:

• Relief: The addict usually finds a great sense of relief after admitting the secret of the addiction. The end of the double life and shame may bring a premature sense of accomplishment, which needs to be reinforced by attending meetings, going to therapy, and connecting with program friends for support. Partners also feel a sense of relief at the end of secrecy and validation of their experience of pain.
• Anger: Both partners can expect to experience anger. The revelation that their partner is a sex addict may trigger much anger mixed with legitimate hurt and betrayal for the spouse. The addict feels anger about the need to make changes as part of recovery. Both partners may blame and shame the other.
• Hope: The work being done by both partners can bring new life and hope to the relationship. Both partners are encouraged to work in therapy, attend 12-step meetings, and group meetings.
• Intimacy: Recovering couples begin to communicate at a more intimate level, often on issues they have never discussed before. Communication skills such as empathic listening, being respectful, and expressing vulnerability are essential elements in recovery.
• Grief: The addict experiences pain over the loss of their "best friend," the addiction. The partner mourns the loss of the relationship as it was imagined to be. Partners often berate themselves for not having been aware sooner of the addiction.
• Sexual issues: Sexuality has a different meaning in recovery. The goal becomes intimacy rather than intensity. Abstinence, and later the frequency, types, and quality of sexual contacts, are issues that the recovering couple must address. Past sexual relationships as well as possible past child sexual abuse of either partner need to be explored. Where other sexual partners were involved, the possibility of HIV infection and other sexually transmitted diseases must be faced early. Couples who continue to learn about healthy sexuality will do better as they address these sexual issues.
• Spirituality: Couples who grow spiritually together have hope that a power greater than themselves is also involved in the re-creating of their relationship.
  

(taken from www.SASH.net) 

3. How much does the LifeSTAR program cost?

• Phase 1 "The Getting Started Workshop" costs $500 per participant (includes workbooks and materials). This includes 18 hours of instruction over the course of 6 weeks.

• Phase 2 "The Recovery Group" costs $200 per month per participant. This includes four additional workbooks and six hours of group therapy per month. The Phase 2 group typically lasts 4-6 months.

• Phase 3 "The Advanced Group" costs $200 per month per participant. This includes four additional workbooks and six hours of group therapy per month. The Phase 3 group lasts a minimum of 1 year.

4. Can I attend alone?

Yes. If you are single or involved with someone who doesn't want to attend, we strongly encourage you to attend the program. Since the group is designed to meet the unique needs of partners and addicts, you will receive the help you are looking for.

5. How long does the LifeSTAR program last?

6. Can I just attend one phase or do I have go through all three?

Even though each participant must complete Phase 1 to attend other phases, attending the other two phases is optional. We find that a majority of participants continue on to Phases 2 and 3.

7. How much will I have to disclose in the program?

Only as much as you feel comfortable disclosing. We believe that secrets are the lifeblood of addiction. Therefore, working to disclose your secrets in a safe and confidential environment is an integral part of recovery. In Phase 1, you are not required to disclose any details about your addiction or your situation. If you want to share your story, there will be opportunities to share, but it is not required. In Phase 2, you will have a chance to tell your story in more detail and seek support from the other group members.

8. Do insurance companies cover this program?

We do not bill insurance for the LifeSTAR program. If you interested in using your insurance, you will be required to pay for the LifeSTAR program out of pocket and seek reimbursement from your insurance carrier. Most insurance companies won't cover the Phase 1 "Getting Started Workshop," as it's not considered traditional group therapy. However, Phases 2 and 3 are considered group therapy and in most cases are covered through your insurance.

9. How many people will be in a group?

The Phase 1 "Getting Started Workshop" typically has between 10-24 participants  The Phase 2 "Recovery Group" is made up of 4-8 participants per group

10. Do I really need to be in a group to overcome pornography or other sexually compulsive behaviors?

This is a common question, as many individuals who struggle with addiction would prefer to do their recovery work privately. We find that individuals who submit to the group process make changes more quickly and have longer-lasting results.

Group work is unique because it challenges many of the core beliefs that plague individuals struggling with addiction. For example, many individuals who struggle with sexual addiction believe that if people really knew their secret, they would reject them. Attending a group disproves this belief, as group members actually deepen their connection to each other the longer they attend the group.

Eliminating unhealthy core beliefs, such as the one mentioned, is the main goal to overcoming a pornography/sexual addiction. Group work is a tried and proven method for helping individuals to accomplish this goal. Although it is initially awkward and uncomfortable to enter a group setting, virtually all participants report feeling grateful for the experience.

All LifeSTAR groups are closed, meaning that new individuals are not added without the consent of the group members. This ensures safety and predictability in the process.